this journal is about me and my humanity. my struggle to be human and yet be humane.
Friday, March 14, 2003
*****
� ten reasons why my dad annoys me �*
[ 10 :: he smokes too much ]
[ 9 :: he drinks too much ]
[ 8 :: he sings off key but won't admit it ]
[ 7 :: he laughs really hard ]
[ 6 :: he frowns a lot ]
[ 5 :: he doesn't admit he's wrong(sometimes) ]
[ 4 :: he never listens to my side of the story ]
[ 3 :: he likes the la lakers (hehehe) ]
[ 2 :: he doesn't want me to use his cams (hehehe) ]
[ 1 :: he is a workaholic ]
*****
� ten reasons why i love my dad �*
[ 10 :: he is so humble ]
[ 9 :: he is so honest ]
[ 8 :: he is so smart ]
[ 7 :: he can cook ]
[ 6 :: he used to hang out with me at the driving range** ]
[ 5 :: he buys me shoes (hehehe) ]
[ 4 :: he makes me use his pc (hehehe) ]
[ 3 :: he lets me use credit card (hehehe) ]
[ 2 :: he likes f1 and soccer ]
[ 1 :: he cries when mom cries (*mush*) ]
*****
**-this was before he injured his left wrist during a bowling game with friends
*-listed at random
*****
dislaimer: this doesn't mean i do not like the la lakers :)
Tuesday, March 11, 2003
this is a journal.. not a weblog.. i won't be updating this everyday..
this piece was the one i wrote for youngblood...
*****
When i was growing up, my parents would always tell me that someday, i would become successful. They would go on and on about their only daughter becoming a successful lawyer or doctor. Maybe that's what you get when you're born to highly respected parents. Mayber thats the price to pay when your parents get high ranking jobs. People compare you to them. People expect you to follow their footsteps. People expect you to be just like them.
I was that little girl who made the whole nieghborhood roll with laughter because of my crazy antics. I was that little girl who was so amazed with advetisements, her face lights up whenever she sees one. I was that little girl who was enrolled in kindergarten when she was only 2 years old and had to spend the rest of her pre-school life with kids bigger than she was. I was that little girl who had an overdose of vitamins becasue she ate it like one would eat candy. I was that little girl who took ballet lessons, joined swimming classes, sat through boring piano lessons and attended speech classes so as to become a 'well-rounded' individual.
Yes, I was all that and more. There's more to me than meets the eye. Deep, deep down I'm nothing more than a child. Outside, I may be the girl who never lets her smile wear off. But indside im that girl who cries for comfort, longs for understanding and yearns for love. Sixteen years and i am still wearing that mask. This mask of happiness and cheerfulness that i have been wearing since i hit adolescence is slowly wearing off. Little by little my inner depression is slowly unraveling.
Somehow i feel so alone, so isolated. Isolated from my own family and friends. I have shut out the people who have been there for me every step of the way. I have given my parents, the two people who have supported my every endeavor, so many headaches and heartbreaks. I have alienated my own blood relatives. I have moved away from my friends, the same friends who have shared so many memories with me. Now i'm by my lonesome self, and somehow i have finally realized that this was through my own doings. Things that i have done without thinking of the consequences. Things i've done that made my life a living hell.
As i write this, i'm out to right the those wrongs i have done. Maybe its not too late to patch things up in the process. maybe there's still room for forgivess. Maybe i should show my parents that finally they can be proud of me. Maybe i should open up my heart and mind to them. Maybe i should change my attitude for the better. Well not just maybe.. I SHOULD!
